Weekend Update: Government Shutdown – SNL

Weekend Update: Government Shutdown – SNL


♪♪♪
>>IT’S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.>>HI.
GOOD EVENING EVERYONE.>>WELCOME TO “WEEKEND UPDATE.”
I’M MICHAEL CHE.>>I’M COLIN JOST.
>>PRESIDENT TRUMP THE MANCH WHO SAID HE WOULD OWN THE SHUT DOWN
DOESN’T CARE ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE UNPAID WHO CAN’T AFFORD
FOOD. HE’S AIR BILLIONAIRE WHO
CONTROLS ALL THE HAMBURGERS IN THE WORLD.
AFTER HE WAS THROUGH HOSTING HIS BURGER ORGY, HE MADE A NEW
PROPOSAL TO END THE SHUT DOWN AND THAT WAS BASICALLY YOU GIVE
ME $5.7 BILLION AND I WILL GIVE YOU BACK THE DREAMERS.
AM I THE ONLY WHO THINKS IT SOUNDS LIKE A HOSTAGE PROPOSAL?
HIS PROTECTIONS ARE NOT EVEN REAL LAWS.
THEY ARE VAGUE PROMISES HE’S MAKING.
I TRUST A PROMISE FROM DONALD TRUMP AS MUCH AS R KELLY IN A
CLAIR’S BOUTIQUE.>>I AGREE.
THAT SPEECH SUCKED. FIRST OF ALL, HE DIDN’T EVEN SAY
HI. HE JUST STARTED TALKING LIKE WE
WERE ALREADY TALKING. THEN HE SAID HE WOULD STOP HALF
THE CRIME WITH THE SLATS. THAT’S A WALL WITHOUT ALL THE
WALL. HEAR THAT, MEXICO.
GOOD LUCK TRYING TO CRACK THIS CODE.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, PASS YOUR DRUGS AND SMALL CHILDREN
THROUGH THE SMALL SLATS? IMAGINE YOU AIR COAST GUARD OR
TSA OR ANY OF THE THOUSANDS OF WORKERS ACTUALLY STOPPING CRIME
FROM DRUGS FROM GETTING INTO THIS COUNTRY AND YOU HAVEN’T
BEEN PAID IN A MONTH. THE PRESIDENT DOESN’T SAY SORRY
OR DOESN’T EVEN SAY HI AND SAYS WHAT Y’ALL THINK ABOUT SLATS?
>>THE OTHER BIG NEWS IS BUZZ FEED PUBLISHED A STORY THAT SAID
ROBERT MUELLER HAD EVIDENCE OF TRUMP COMMITTING AN IMPEACHABLE
CRIME. THE DETAILS WERE SO SKETCHY EVEN
MUELLER’S TEAM WAS OKAY, FAKE NEWS.
HOW DISAPPOINTING WAS THAT. YOU KNOW HOW MANY SUBURBAN MOMS
HAD TO RETRACT THE PARTICULARS SAYING WE GOT HIM?
THE WHITE HOUSE IS NOW CELEBRATING THAT MUELLER
DISPUTED THIS WHILE THERE ARE LIKE 100 OTHER CRIMES ON THE
TABLE. IF YOU GOT TESTED FOR EVERY STD
AND YOUR DOCTOR SAID THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU DON’T HAVE
CHLAMYDIA, YOU WOULDN’T SAY THAT’S ALL I 92ED TO HEAR.
NO CONDOMS FOR THIS GUY.>>THAT’S GOING TO BE A MEME.
>>BUZZ FEED, I THINK IT’S GREAT.
WE THINK IT’S GREAT THAW WANT TO HELP, BUT THIS IS NOT WHAT WE
NEED FROM YOU. Y’ALL AT BUZZ FEED, YOU DO MEMES
AND LISTS. EVERYBODY HAS AN AUNT WHO HAS
ROACHES AND EVERY THANKSGIVING SHE SAYS WHAT SHOULD I BRING AND
WE ARE LIKE UM, ICE. YOU BRING THE ICE BECAUSE WE
DON’T WANT TO PICK RAISINS OUT OF THE TURKEY.
THAT’S YOU, BUZZ FEED. YOU BRING THE ICE.
AS DR. KING ONCE SAID, DON’T GO CHASING WATER FALLS.
STICK TO THE RIVERS AND THE LAKES YOU ARE USED TO.
KIDS COME UP TO ME AND SAY I GET ALL MY NEWS FROM YOU.
I SAY DON’T DO THAT. I BRING THE ICE.
>>>ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI WHO SERVED AS WHITE HOUSE
COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR FOR TWO WEEKS IS JOINING CELEBRITY BIG
BROTHER AND SEAN SPICER IS THE POODLE.
FRESHMAN REPRESENTATIVE ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ WILL BE
GIVING LESSONS TO HER FORMER DEMOCRAT ON HOW TO USE TWITTER
MORE EFFECTIVE FOLLOWED BY CHUCK SCHUMER TEACHING ZUMBA.

100 thoughts on “Weekend Update: Government Shutdown – SNL

  1. Trump seems to enjoy the misery of others. Does this shutdown reflect what the GOP really mean by “less government” as one of their mantras! #Deception is the art of GOP politics.

  2. so is it me or does Robert Mueller look exactly like Robert deniro? i guess i know who's going to play Mueller in the movie lol

  3. Wait, Muller is gonna eventually come with a report deeming trump innocent…. A game from the get go designed by putin himself. I sure hope I'm being delusional!

  4. I mean, a hostage negotiation is exactly what it is, even without the Dreamers. "Let us build our dumbass wall or all these hardworking government employees won't eat."

  5. You Trump supporters…. Still believe in your man… Your response to shutting down our Goverment, and not paying city officials for a entire month, as ass wipe continues to pouts… Would you work for free… Come on… Waiting to hear your brilliant response to the man you put in office… What if there was a threat on our country, another 9-11, would it be Hell no, I won't take action, not till my wall is built.. This man, I won't say president, is a very demented individual 😤

  6. Democrats only care about illegals, not Americans! Democrats:No boarders,no walls,no U.S.A. at all Trump easy 2020!💩😈🖕

  7. Good luck impeaching trump. I’m sorry but he hasn’t broken any laws no matter how much you want him to be. If you think Hillary was a better option then your stupid because there’s Rick solid evidence of treason(punishable by death) and her husband was impeached so that’s not being smart

  8. While I sympathize with DACA/Dreamers I don't give a dang about granting them any concessions. They or their parents can't vote so what does this benefit Democrats? Create more jobs for people who can monitor our borders and help the needy. To heck with DACA.

  9. 6 Billion is so small compared to the GDP of the US and Trump is willing to accept the "Dreamers"? Demoncrats should take the deal. I would not make that compromise.

  10. Chuck Schumer teaching zoomba. I just had a visual of that. Ew. Ewwww. E.U. Thanks SNL. I didn’t need that vision in my head…

  11. Snl clearly takes protection of this great country for granted since no idiot on there understands why to government was shut down in the first place

  12. The Trump temper tantrum government shut down is a distraction from the Russia investigation. Follow the money from Russia, through the NRA to the RNC, and arrest all Republicans involved for treason! We have a Russian agent in the Whitehouse! Arrest Agolf Twittler for treason!

  13. "Government shutdown enters 29th day. Coincidentally Main-Stream-Propaganda has also entered 29th day of blaming Trump for not signing funding legislation that has actually never passed the Senate. It is believed that many in the nation do not understand even the very FUNDAMENTAL aspects of how legislation that affects their very lives — is actually voted on — but remain sure it somehow involves President Trump. And that by saying he takes credit — in the view of the understanding of most, he has in fact enacted a veto on the U.S. Constitution."

  14. Weekend Update has always been about the best part of SNL for me, back to the days of Chase and Aykroyd and Curtain, but this season they are definitely dominating. SNL should consider an entire spinoff show written by Jost and Che and the other contributors to this bit of wonderfulness.

  15. I wonder how many real, live border guards that would have actual jobs for the long term (long after wall construction crews were done and gone) you could hire with $5 billion. Maybe more than enough to do the job?

  16. S N L = Still Not Laughing
    – Trump secured all back pay, Liar.
    – Pelosi had prewritten her refusals to negotiate. She OWNS the shutdown.
    – Government workers are well taken care of. Peloser refuses to meet with the parents of children killed by illegals.
    – Cohen already proved himself to be a liar. What he says is of no consequence.
    SNL grasps at straws trying to make the President look bad. SNL fails while propagandizing and outright lying.
    SNL fails miserably at comedy.
    But the thing SNL will fail MOST about is their (the cast and "writers", decision makers, etc) ability to avoid repercussions.

  17. The government shutdown! It's Chuck Schumer's and Nancy Pelosi's fault. The saddest thing is that Schumer and Pelosi are still getting paid, but the government employees aren't.

  18. 3:04 – 3:53 | It would have been welcoming if BuzzFeed had imbibed this advice years ago. That website was annoying and irrelevant long before the Trump dossier, and whatever else they've been publishing in recent years, under the guise of journalism.

  19. I like that Michael Che didn't react to the R Kelly joke as much as the audience responses to it. They must have been making some faces or something

  20. Obama shut down the government for 43 days and no one said a word. You’re just say this crap because you’re clueless on the bigger picture.

  21. Bottom line, quit with adding tard every time you refer to the party you are not affiliated with. Second, they need to pass legislation to take pay away from the legislature that causes this to happen. Last, if trump declares this an emergency and bypasses the house and Senate then he will be setting a precedent. When Democrats take the white house and there's a mass shooting, what do you think is going to happen?

  22. Well, I personally heard Senator Shumer say in a speech yesterday that he has no idea what Zumba is, in response to this video. He couldn't even remember the word.

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