-Hey, before we get started,
I just want to give a special shout-out to all of
our viewers watching from the Colorado-Mexico border. You guys —
[ Cheers and applause ] iHola!
Hola, dude. Yeah, you hear about this? During a speech in
Pittsburgh yesterday, President Trump said
that he’s building sections of the border wall,
but I think he got confused exactly where our border is. Check out what — -We’re building a wall on
the border of New Mexico and we’re building a wall
in Colorado. -By the time Trump is
done building all these walls, the country’s going to look
like 50 giant cubicles. Then Trump announced our
Coast Guard would be patrolling
the ports of Nebraska. So that’s good.
-Oh. -But Trump addressed his
comments in a tweet and said, “Kiddingly, we’re building
a wall in Colorado.” Then stated, “We’re not
building a wall in Kansas, but they get the benefit
of the wall we’re building on the border. Referred to people in
the very packed auditorium from Colorado and Kansas getting
the benefit of the border wall.” Well, that clears it up.
There you go. Forget immigrants. I think we need to deport
Trump’s English teacher. Meanwhile, today at
The White House, Trump participated in a
ceremony in honor of the Hindu holiday Diwali. Things got off to a rough start
when Trump told everyone, “We’re going to build Diwali
in Colorado.” -Diwali! -There’s a lot happening
right now with all the impeachment stuff
and Trump’s border wall and Colorado, and I just wonder
what’s happening in other news. Can we see something?
♪♪ -And, according to a new study,
thinking too much could cause you to die sooner. ♪♪ -Nobody think. No one think.
Everyone stop thinking. Some 2020 news. Pete Buttigieg said that he used
marijuana a handful of times, and it was back when he was
still growing up. Still growing up? The guy is barely old enough to
see the “Joker” movie on his own. I mean, come on.
Oh, hang on. I’m being told there’s
some breaking news in the 2020 election. -Oh.
-Yeah. -We do have some
breaking news to get to from the 2020 campaign trail. Congressman Tim Ryan,
Democrat from Ohio, has dropped out of
the presidential race. -I’m not in charge of
the news department here, but I don’t think
a guy dropping out of the race who’s polling at less than 1% really qualifies as
breaking news. Do you guys know who
Tim Ryan is? -No.
-That’s part of the problem. That’s why.
“Breaking news.” Rumors started swirling
he might drop out of the race ever since he announced
that he’s running for president. Some more 2020 news. I saw that Judge Judy
has endorsed former New York City Mayor
Michael Bloomberg for president. Sounds good, but I still
want to hear what the judges from “Hot Bench”
think before I make my decision. -Yeah. -This is interesting. I saw that the band Coldplay is
revealing the track list of their new double album
in newspapers around the world. That story again. Coldplay is keeping their
track list a complete secret. [ Laughter ] I read about — As long as
The Roots are laughing, it’s all good. I read about a group of
scientists who taught rats how to drive tiny cars and claimed the rats
found it relaxing. When the report was published,
the scientists’ families were like, “Wait. That’s what
you’ve been studying? If rats find driving relaxing?
What’s going on?” And, finally, a new study found
that mashed potatoes are just as good as Gatorade
when exercising. So remember this Thanksgiving,
you’re not overeating. You’re training for
the Winter Games. We have a great show.