The Hidden Toxicity of Social Media - Richard Grannon, Best YOU Expo 2019

The Hidden Toxicity of Social Media – Richard Grannon, Best YOU Expo 2019



okay so I'm here to talk about the the hidden toxicity of social media the documentary that was made was not the documentary that we set out to make we started from a premise we started from a fact which is that amongst adolescents mental health issues are skyrocketing we're looking at suicide rates that are tripling within the last five to six years we're looking at the number of admissions for eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia depending on who you speak to possibly going up by fifty to sixty percent between nine and fifteen year olds within the last four years this is to me unacceptable bulimia and anorexia particularly worrying eating these eating disorders a particularly worrying mental health issue because these are the ones that correlate most highly with suicides very very dangerous mental health issues to develop especially amongst nine ten and eleven year olds so I started out with the idea of creating a documentary looking at childhood trauma and complex post-traumatic stress that was the original format for the documentary I had heard that social media was a factor well I rejected it because I thought it was a silly idea I thought is the same kind of silly idea that every generation has there's always going to be a band of society that is neo phobic they're afraid of the new they fear and loathe technology and they are convinced that there is some new factor in modern culture that's corrupting the minds of the youth in previous generations it's usually music so it was punk rock before that would mean rock and roll and before that it was jazz these are all things that corrupted people's minds it was destroying the youth and it was turning them to drugs and promiscuity and I thought this is nonsense I'm not getting on board the scare mongering bandwagon that it's social media when ultimately all that is there's something that allows us and allows kids to chat to each other and share funny videos of cats falling off skateboards how could that possibly lead to serious mental health issues and suicide during the course of making the documentary about childhood trauma we spoke to a professor of psychology called Sam back name and he cited some research to me that indicated that actually social media was to blame and he invited me to research what social media executives themselves have said about the deleterious effect on people's mental health they know very well that the overuse of social media causes serious mental health issues they have all the statistics and they've known for years what are the kind of things that we're facing at the moment the crisis in young people's mental health of the moment that directly correlates with social media and this there is a body of research that backs this published research it's fairly new in psychology in the world of psychology if your research is only five years old that's considered new that's considered new research we're looking at spiraling suicide rates massive amounts of body dysmorphia issues anorexia bulimia there is a body morphia issue less well known called bigger Exia or vigor exia where you can never be big enough so body building and fit what's it called fit spur Asian hash tag fits Persian people are consuming massive amounts of pictures of people who are very well muscled and this can lead to vigor Exia or bigger Exia where no matter how large and well muscled you become you think you need to be bigger and bigger again there's also something called orthorexia which is a compulsion to eat clean now if you are a young person very impressionable with a very high level of neuroplasticity in the brain and you're consuming a massive amount of imagery around clean eating and a way a particular body type should look ultimately that is going to have a big impact on you as older people we know with our stronger boundaries and the fact that we weren't raised as digital natives that a lot of that is nonsense we know that the imagery is the Enhanced we know that these pictures are photoshopped and we also know it just doesn't matter that much but it still affects us but if you are very young your ego boundaries are still weak or they're still forming it's way too much it's way too much and at least two mental health issues and particularly body dysmorphia sexless Ness is becoming an issue the this generation that is coming up is becoming intimacy averse they don't want to be in a physical space with somebody in a vulnerable context which is the definition of sexual contact sexual contact they have now been retrained to think of as something that they consume digitally I read some research recently that amongst adolescents the preferred method of sexual contact even if given the choice of actual sex was sexting they would prefer to talk about sex via texts and send each other pictures the meet in the real world and this is becoming a normal thing now this is becoming the standard way that is being done anxiety and depression are through the roof why this is all down to the relative social positioning that social media encourages not all social media does this as aggressively as others the main culprits for relative social positioning the main culprit for most mental health issues based on the research that I've read recently is Instagram Instagram is like peak culturally induced narcissism because it only offers the trading of images it's only about images it's only about the spectacle to understand more about how a commitment to spectacle damages the individual psychology and society at large there was a book written that predicted this in 1969 it's called the the Society of the spectacle by a guy called Guy Debord once we commit to the spectacle in favor of the lived reality we can modify ourselves we make ourselves products and we make the people around us products as well this obviously is going to induce anxiety and depression because the products that you are whether that is your body your appearance or your lifestyle that you're trying to offer up is never going to be good enough plus you're competing not with the rest of the villages in your village but with the billions of people who live in the world on earth who have a Wi-Fi connection you can never win you're now committed to a game that you can never win and you can never even really compete in properly you are always going to be a loser now I can see the rice smiles on people's faces if you're my age or above that's quite funny because so what I'm not I'm not a social influencer on Instagram who gives a but if you're 12 13 or 14 years old and that's your sense of what you should be because you've imbibed the idea that this is normal it generates depression you feel totally worthless where am i 14 million followers why am I not driving a Ferrari why would you think that's normal because of the sheer number of hours that are being consumed every week of social media it creates an effect called hyper normalization I think the average adolescent is online for around eight to nine hours a day most of that time is spent consuming social media if we think in terms of propagandize ation or brainwashing that is a long time to be indoctrinated into thinking the world will work a certain way they lose sight of normal this can happen to all of us everybody in this room if you're using social media a lot your sense of normal is being skewed even if you don't realize it what they've done for young people and this is admitted it's deliberate as they force them into a game where they're competing with each other for likes and four follows they realize that wouldn't work from my generation and above so they make us compete with each other politically this is admitted it's in the public arena and it's there to keep you online and arguing over politics which I know from the guilty looks on your faces some of you have done that in the last seven days if not in the last seven hours you've gotten into an argument with somebody online pointlessly over some politics or something that has a political element to it why it's conditioned you to be addicted to confrontation it's deliberate they know that the fostering of negative emotion more powerful and more addictive and binding and conditioning than positive emotion think back if you're old enough and can remember and we're using it Facebook in its early formats was like MySpace all you could do was contact your auntie all you could do was show a picture of something that you did last night and the atmosphere was very different from 2012 2013 four words the atmosphere got more and more aggressive and more and more hostile and that's because they trained the algorithms to condition the people into hostility now we are fractured now we are in our individualized tribes defending them against some imagined oppositional enemy and there's nobody there it's all being generated online well originally there was nobody there except now it's spilling out into the real world now we are being so the internet was originally about the real world but I think we've gone past the point now where actually the real world has become about the Internet things that happen online are as significant as the real world obviously the inability to concentrate is going to be huge because if we're pulling our phones out all the time constantly looking for a rapid dopamine hit actually sitting there and reading Nietzsche on paper for a few hours it's gonna be a bit difficult by comparison so we don't think our actual capacity to think things through critically is being damaged I don't think that benefits people very well anybody but it's particularly damaging to young people they can no longer concentrate on anything in the final weeks of shooting the documentary which just got finished in December I invited a group of students from the University of Liverpool to take one month off social media and I said I will join you I will also take a month off social media and I'll see what happens thinking this is not going to affect me because I'm not addicted I'm not conditioned and I'm not a child within four days my mood was massively elevated but that wasn't the thing that impressed me the most it was my concentration without social media I found myself doing something that I haven't done for years and didn't realize I'd stopped doing it which was reaching for a book he because I was bored because I was bored but as you jus as you've just said this gentleman is writing a thesis on it boredom is a key mood for creativity we should get bored you're designed to get bored you're not supposed to say I'll bust up and go oh nobody's talking to me no stimulation get the phone out straightaway you're not we're not evolved for that allow yourself to get bored you'll go back to box you'll go back to thinking I started writing I haven't written in years I started writing poetry it's quite proud of that not saying it was good just saying I wrote it okay does social media really cause this or is this just scare mongering let me give you some quotes from the guys who work for Facebook Sean Parker may God forgive him we deliberately set out to exploit vulnerabilities in human psychology he says and laughs in the interview he says I'm a hacker and I can hack human beings I deliberately set out to exploit vulnerabilities in human psychology with no shame and no guilt whatsoever he proudly announces we have set out to capture as much of your time and your attention as possible this is not conspiracy theory ladies and gents you can look it up on YouTube afterwards and you can check it out and you can see the guy saying it their primary objective stated openly is only to keep your eyeballs on the screen for as long as possible and they will do anything in order to achieve that end result and they don't care what the consequences for young people's mental health for society for politics for culture the fact that people are getting ruder and ruder and more confrontational and more entitled all the time with less resilience which by the way as a personality profile for something called a psychopath the social media will conditioned humanity into a state of psychopathy why should I wait I don't have the self-discipline to wait anymore give it to me now why would I give it to you now because I'm always being given it now who's it all about it's all about me because the algorithms and the technology is just feeding my ego my narcissism my narcissistic reality tunnel this is why where regret sing and devolving in terms of politics and culture and everything else we're moving backwards because we're going back into a deeply egoic reality tunnel where we have no patience and no compassion and no empathy for anybody else's points of view the former Facebook executive Chamath a little bit more apologetic in his interview said the following the short term dopamine driven feedback loops that we have created are destroying how society works there is no longer any civil discourse no cooperation there was misinformation miss truth and it's not an American problem this is not about Russian ads this is a global problem so we're in a really bad state of affairs right now in my opinion he goes on to say it's time that we delivered a hard break this was one of theirs a former Facebook executive the guys from Silicon Valley with their families it's a little bit worrying to find out the majority of them don't let their children use screens at all in their homes the guys who designed the stuff don't use it and they won't let their kids use it one of the things that they've done with social media to keep people conditioned and to keep people addicted is they recruited people in from the pornography industry and from the gambling industry with the same technology in the social media that keeps people addicted and conditioned elsewhere one little trick that's being used and you can check this out on your Facebook app later is if you want to update your notifications you pull the screen down you pull the screen down a little wheel runs and then it lets you know if a notification has come through that's a slot machine that's a slot machine and it is deliberately held for longer than it needs to be so if your connection is strong and that could be a media it deliberately waits five seconds the wheel spins longer than it needs to that's to build anticipation in you so that you have a greater dopamine release when you get the result you ever noticed how like I comment on your picture but you don't see it the notification till 23 minutes later because they know that if they give you the result every time you hit the wheel you'll stop hittin the wheel so they hold back notifications so you get them in clumps so there's a bigger dopamine release that is sick that is a deliberate attempt this is beyond brainwashing they're trying and succeeding to alter your physiological hormonal and neurotransmitter response to information and they have done it it's a successful enterprise by fracturing attention by making young people intimacy averse by fostering confrontation and rudeness they have managed to make it almost impossible for people to socialize without their phones with them I remember five years ago we used to bemoan that young people would meet together in bars and in clubs and whatever and have their phones out so young people though is it we're doing it we're doing it I see people in restaurants all the time they sat with each other but they're on their phones talking somebody else the human contact you're craving is right there but you don't want that one because the tech has conditioned you to think that that's not enough or that people can't be trusted this is not published research this is my own personal opinion I think there has been an effort and an agenda to breed distrust between people to make you think that everybody around you has a hidden agenda this would be a good way of fracturing intimacy in the real world and we know they have an agenda to fracture intimacy in the real world because if I have intimacy in the real world and I'm chatting to my mate every minute that I'm chatting to my mate and enjoying that conversation and getting a dopamine release from that is a minute I'm not serving the great tech God called Facebook by feeding it with my attention that's how we offer our our sacrifice and time and attention so Facebook into Instagram the fake reality that is fostered by social media makes kids feel worthless then they go online and they try and find a way to make themselves feel better body dysmorphia can kick in their image of who they're of who they are their lifestyle their body type as it's being compared to images fake images foster online has a gap in it which creates cognitive dissonance they feel anxious depressed agitated and hostile and they try to compensate for that by taking action that action might be throwing up after a meal the action might be not eating food at all that action might be cutting themselves and then sharing imagery of that social media it's disturbing the eating disorder elements of this is something that I'm relatively new to so on Wednesday night just gone I opened my Instagram account was deleted in December I opened the new Instagram account and trained Instagram to feed me information about bulimia anorexia suicide and self-harm it took seven minutes seven minutes it says are you 18 and I tricked the machine because I'm a hacker by hitting it with my thumb and saying yes and it says do you really want to look at depression hashtags let us know or do you need support and I tricked the machine because I'm a hacker by hitting it with my thumb and saying okay inside of seven minutes that Instagram account was full of horrifying images of self-harm I'm not just horrifying images of self-harm comments from other adolescents laughing and joking about suicide laughing and joking about anorexia competing to see whose collarbones can show the most competing to see who has the best thigh gap and joking about it this is what worries me as a psychologist because we know that humor is is defense mechanism but there is research that indicates when you're talking about suicides if somebody starts joking them out about suicide and finding it humorous they're way more likely to break the boundary and actually do it rather than think about it and I think it's true for self-harm I think it's true for anorexia and bulimia having a sense of humor about say normalizes it and encourages people to actually do it when you're talking to 15 16 year-olds and right the way up to 24 year-olds as we did when we were making the documentary and interviewing people it's very clear that these kids don't think that their normal lives are good enough they think there's something wrong with them they think that their normal life that they're living that everybody else is living is bad is backward is pointless and is never going to go anywhere and they feel worthless when a child feels worthless like we can all be made to feel a bit bad through Envy through jealousy through competitiveness but in people under the age of 24 it's an unbound read emotion and it's very very strong generally speaking based on the research I've read girls are more susceptible to this than boys they're more vulnerable to this there was actually research that was done specifically for women young girls sorry where they were asked to rate their feelings after they had interacted online with a girl that they thought was prettier than them and they were motivated to do it when she's very pretty that's nice I got a dopamine release they would interact they would like or comment under the girls photo and then straightaway they would self-report feelings of depression and worthlessness Instagram Facebook Tumblr it's poison it's absolute poison the loneliness and the fear of missing out that this is fostering now because they've damaged people's ability to just sit and chill out with each other and we also have this effect where people are finding out that their friends are meeting up without them I think 90% the interviews I did somebody complained they said my mates were meeting up without me and I saw her about it on social media they're feeling isolated the loneliness that they feel now is crushing them I think that is the primary drive for all the other mental health issues they feel isolated it's a horrible state to being starved of intimacy and I'm only talking about the kind of intimacy you'd get by meeting your mate in the pub having a half-hour chat having a bit of a laugh with them and then walking away that is what we are evolved for that's what human animals do they are not evolved to sit having this fake artificial communication which Foster's the thirst for more and never delivers the reward via some piece of equipment that you hold in your hand my solution is that everybody be given the chance to go in a period of full social media detox to the adults in the room who think that they have control of their social media usage yes I'd like you to take a month off if you really think you're in control don't delete the account but delete the app from the phone Facebook Instagram YouTube stop it for a month and then let's see how you feel if you can do it then that means you can lead the way to say into kids listen maybe this stuff isn't that great for you and you can diminish the usage trying to take smartphones off kids now I don't think is a viable option we're too far gone and it could actually create a traumatic response because they're digital natives they're raised within their hands and all their friends are there so a full period of digital detox the research indicates that if anybody does this adult or adolescent you will afterwards use social media less that's a recently published that was at the back end of last year research was published back under last year if you have a digital detox period your brain will realize I don't need that and life is better without set I'm gonna use it less oh yeah if you stop using social media and you run the experiment with yourself as I did you'll notice your concentration improves you'll notice that your mood improves immediately please bear in mind as you're observing it in yourself that impact for adolescents is accelerated and multiplied many many times there are two studies I'd like to recommend you have a look at if you're into looking at studies ones by Liber in 2016 called quitting Facebook leads to higher levels of well-being and what the other is by hunt No More FOMO limiting social media decreases loneliness and depression there's a ton of research out there and it all indicates that absolutely statistically positively more the more you use social media the more damage it does the less you use it the better you will feel I'm going to stop on that note somebody have any questions at all about anything I've just said yeah I doubt that that will work I doubt there will work you still have the issues with fractured attention and because the way the algorithms are set I think even if you're going in there and it's all just positivity you're still in an environment where relative social positioning is part of the structure so if I only look at kittens waking themselves up from a deep sleep by farting I can still see likes and I can still see how many follows the person has it's still a competitive environment even if their material it's that even if the content is super benign it's a poisonous environment one of the things that I know is recently is if you log in to Instagram or you log into Facebook you log into social media it gives you lists see these notifications of likes and that's a list it's like a profit and loss account of how significant you are of how useful you are of how much of a draw you have how much gravity you have that actually induces a tremendous amount of shame in everyone and it doesn't matter how successful you are you will feel worthless and I believe the lists are set up that way any other questions lady yeah yes yeah yeah when young people say they want to work with social media and they want to sell some stuff I've been having that conversation the last two days with adults who want to do it because they're being trained by coaches that they have to be on social media okay so to answer the adult question I think this is nonsense I think there's a total false economy and I've been working online since 2004 running my own businesses successfully five different businesses the idea that social media is essential to business is nonsense total nonsense nobody is going to give you money which is what business is because you have a Facebook page doesn't happen social media can assist in business but we should use it as little as we can I deleted all my social media accounts but YouTube is still going and I can only use YouTube if I'm offering value I can't not offer value otherwise it doesn't assist in the business to kids who need to think they need to go online I would just insist that they understand what's being done to them and that they understand social media is as a as a mental conditioning advice that doesn't suit their needs it suits the needs of the corporation and that's what I would say to kids I'm like if you're happy with that and you're happy to be conditioned you're happy to be brainwashed and you think it's necessary as long as you do it consciously go ahead and do it but understand that comes at a cost and the cost might be one that is difficult to pay any other questions guys yes I I don't yet but I'm happy to if you want me to if you caught my standards over there I'll give you my details I'm happy to do like I'll talk for free I'll come and do like an hour talk and there and chat about it the documentary I made is is leveled at parents and teachers what I want to do is get our generation out of the mindset that this is harmless it's not harmless it's absolutely not harmless then how we actually rest the phone from the teenager I don't know I don't know how that's gonna work but we can try I'm happy to go into a school then give it a go any other questions guys yes no I have not I've not approached any kids about this well the students at Liverpool University they were aged between 20 and 24 intelligence bright and switched on and there was no resistance there I said do you know this is bad they weren't yeah how many hours a day to use it one girl said to me she was never off it she said if she's awake facebook stays open on her laptop or on her phone so I said how many hours a day she was like well I don't actually switch it off intelligent girl like studying architecture she knows she she's a bright person but that's normalized for her and she thinks that's how she stays in contact with people so at that age group there has been no resistance I've said would you come off it and they'll go yeah the difficulty is at live full university they have study groups that me on Facebook and it's the same with business there are some businesses where all the business networking takes place on Facebook and I do I dance and in order to find out where the dance classes are they don't announce that anywhere else but Facebook so it's you know we've already gone like we've already gone a very disturbingly long way down this reality sanal I think yeah already stuck in it ladies and gents thank you very much for your time and for your attention my YouTube is part life coach comm thank you you

47 thoughts on “The Hidden Toxicity of Social Media – Richard Grannon, Best YOU Expo 2019

  1. hi Richard. only just seen your back. last I watched you you were taking a 24 hr break from social media (I think) Sam did too. Are you available for short pm or emai currently. If so can you send a link please. if not no worries. best wishes

  2. Hurr durr I can't get off social media. How about you grow up, m8? lol, I mean, holy fuck, what would happen if you faced actual adversity?

  3. I'm 55 and growing up in a generation where the male figures betrayed to pornography, promiscuous females in magazines, videos on the streets is the worst pain I ever suffered in my heart. I still have scars and I don't see any reason from what I've seen to trust a partner in an intimate relationship which was a life long dream I had but no more. I was hurt every time to others and I feel that social media is a tool like pornography for unfaithfulness in relationships where they are destroying our relationships and our self esteem. And I did have anorexia nervosa when I was a teenager for 2 in a half years and have always thought this adulterating lust-betrayal and seduction in our society through different forms had a lot to do with it.

  4. Blown away! Great talk Richard! I'm worried for the youngins, for us all actually. We have to be more mindful of our social media use absolutely!

  5. Yeah Social Media has really made people become very toxic lately. I can handle my life better without social media but sometimes I need to go on it whenever I want to know what is going on with the world and I would watch some videos on YouTube. I don't care about likes, comments, or attention. That stuff is just getting way out of hand lately.

  6. Love it! I love that this issue is being tackled. The level of destruction is monumental and goes deeper than we think. Thanks, Richard!

  7. Looking forward to "enjoy" more of this kind, it`s so important! Let`s get educated, make a change…. Hands up! 🙂 <3

  8. I don't want to face how scared I am because I don't think I can go a month. I did hear how freeing that would be, and still the thought leaves me with white knuckles! Thinking to adjust everything to get the least possible exposure, but then I'm a sucker for a challenge and would like to help put the brakes on our lemming-like race to the brink and beyond.

  9. I wish more people had your mindset Richard, i deleted my facebook account just over a year ago, i never had an instagram or twitter account, i only use Youtube and even then i try to stay fairly anonomous, but i feel like the people around me don't get it, it's like the invasion of the body snatchers, making connections with people is more difficult, and even dating concerns me, i've tried to get my friends to watch you and this message but they're too conditioned to change, it's a very sick world we live in, but we can choose to not participate.

  10. Richard – you are dashingly brilliant and I am so grateful that you do all the work and I get to learn from you! Thank you a million!

  11. I was in a cafe today and a group of 60+ year old women sat down. Within minutes they were taking phone calls or on their phones. No one speaking to each other. It blew me away. And try get around a supermarket without seeing someone on their phone. How the hell did we survive without this technology when shopping decades ago? haha

  12. Great presentation- thanks for recording and sharing this- I'm going to pass it on to some parents that will appreciate this clear and concise information…

  13. Straight and to the point. Well said, i see LinkedIn which i use is going in the same direction, its changed a lot over the last 2 years and becoming another Facebook

  14. Very good talk. Thank you for sharing. I completely dumped FB and felt immediate relief. Now I spend huge amounts of time on YouTube. I'm thinking of having a break for the month of May.

    Thanks Richard, your work is so important.

  15. What an excellent presentation- I would love to see this go into schools everywhere because the kids simply aren't getting it. The parents aren't getting it either. I've witnessed behavioural change in children I know, I believe, as a direct result of untamed social media use. A brilliant direction you're taking. All credit to you. Well done Richie.

  16. I totally believe what he is saying. I have not used facebook for 4 months now, i and i was surprised that i am not missing it at all. Also concentration and daily productivity has gone up. I haven't deleted it, but i think i will do it soon also.

  17. I really loved this video! Thank you for doing the research and putting it all together to warn parents and teachers about this. Funny thing is that I posted this on Facebook to get the information out to parents and teachers I am friends with on there! LOL

  18. Great video. I too have had enough of Facebook and instagram and all the time it steals and the anxiety it's over-use causes. I my oldest two children who have started high school and will not he allowing them to open accounts on these platforms, including you tube. They are allowed to use my youtube account so I can monitor contents they're entertaining. I felt dark energy on those platforms and got sick of being too available to other people and the energy exchange. I've decided it's a circus and I have no interest in turning up everyday. I value real connection with actuall people I can feel, touch and speak to. I have no interest in perceived and suggestive perfection of other peoples lives, I have seen a lot and discovered a lot of fakeness and how people are lost in what you call fakeness. Everyones thinks they're in a reality TV show and people are criticized and scolded for not wanting amy parts of proping up another's ego. I haven't de-activated anything, but litterally haven't had any interest in seeing the newsfeed and FB is always sending me irrelevant notifications I don't care about. I've turned that off as they've come through. I'm not bothered. And my vibration is emmediately lifted. Whether on line or not we are exchanging energy with people/entities. Protect yourselves!

  19. Spot fucking on Rich! Society of he spectacle was very prescient of what instagram is. When even I try to talk to friends about these topics who are clearly addicted to crap like IG they get very defensive.

  20. Thanks. For this discussion Now you can understand why I would dissociate because of social media. The notifications added to the affect . It does add to my body dysmorphia and fear of missing out. I’ve been spending only a small amount of time on it now. It’s actually a relief for me to know that the negative affect wasn’t just me.

  21. This is painfully relevant. Social media can be a counterfeit for authentic human connection. I suspect it has something to do with the choice to live in fear combined with laziness, as a replacement for the effort it takes to foster and create meaningful relationships. In an age where we have little muscle left for delayed gratification, we are quickly loosing our ability to interact with each other, face to face, in meaningful ways. We end up loosing the very thing we hope social media will be a short cut to: each other.

  22. Closed my Facebook account years ago… thanks Richard for fighting the good fight. Social Media is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

  23. Deactivated my facebook after a petty argument with my in-laws on there over some benign song lyrics I posted that they took out of context and blew completely out of proportion. I wasn't intending to stay off it; just sort of cooling off. But almost immediately I felt a huge wash of relief knowing facebook was no longer a factor. I've checked back in on it for breif five-minute intervals, and I feel a sickening anxiety each time I do. I deactivate it again immediately. It's been about a month now and I still don't miss it. I can't believe how much time and energy I fkin wasted on it in the first place. I'm old enough to remember what it was like to do things/enjoy life and tell nobody but the people involved in the doing of those things. I'm happy to get back to that level of purity. Still detoxing, but I'm getting there.

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