So Much News, So Little Time: Trump Scandal Lightning Round | The Daily Show

So Much News, So Little Time: Trump Scandal Lightning Round | The Daily Show

If you were keeping up
with the news today, you probably know that it was,
uh, more chaotic than Free Cocaine Day
at Dave & Buster’s. And, personally,
I’m disappointed, because we had
a whole show planned, and it was gonna be
a great show. You know? We figured out
who killed Jeffrey Epstein, but we had
to throw it all out the window because there was so much
breaking news, too much news, in fact. Luckily, though, too much news
is just the right amount of news for a segment we call
Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That. -♪ ♪
-(cheering and applause) If you’re friends
with a government ethics expert and you’re wondering why
their head randomly exploded into little pieces today, it’s probably because
they saw this. President Trump is hosting
a major meeting of world leaders next year at his Miami area
resort and golf property. Next year’s G7 summit
will take place at the Trump National Doral
in Miami. The move is raising questions
about whether hosting this large event at one
of the president’s businesses is a violation of ethics rules. Wow. That is crazy. The president is making
world leaders hold a giant event at his own resort? Like, it really seems
like there’s nothing Trump wouldn’t do
to profit off the presidency. Like, I bet you
he’s gonna be outside his own impeachment trial,
just scalping tickets. He’s gonna be standing outside
there. He’s like, “Tickets, tickets. “Who needs tickets
to my impeachment? “You want some tickets?
Best seats in the house. Come on, y’all.
Right next to me.” And also,
if I was a world leader, I wouldn’t want
to stay at Trump’s resort. I don’t trust him.
I don’t trust him. Like, Trump would probably sneak
into your room to try and find dirt
on Joe Biden. Yeah. He’d just be, like, at the door,
like, “Housekeeping! “Oh, did someone leave
these files on the floor? I’ll get rid of it for you!
Basura. Basura.” (laughter) Now, on a normal day
in a normal presidency, we would spend all our time
talking about how shady it is that Trump is forcing world
leaders to host the G-7 Summit at his golf club
that he makes money from, especially considering
how he always brags about how he doesn’t profit
from the presidency. But today’s not a normal day, and this is not
a normal presidency, because while
he’s inviting foreign leaders to his Miami golf club, American leaders are
storming out of the White House. MAN:
Shortly after a House vote where more than 100 Republicans
joined Democrats condemning the president’s abrupt withdrawal
of U.S. troops from Syria, a heated confrontation
inside the White House. That clash between President
Trump and top Democrats spilling out onto the steps
of the West Wing. I pray for the president
all the time. I think now
we have to pray for his health, because this was
a very serious meltdown on the part of the president. MAN: President Trump hitting
back, accusing Democrats of storming out,
using the same language as Pelosi against her,
tweeting, “She had a total meltdown
in the White House today. “It was very sad to watch.
Pray for her. She is a very sick person.” -(audience groans)
-Aah. Okay. I know you are,
but what am I? (laughter) I like how
when Trump is insulted, he just steals that insult
verbatim with zero shame. Like, maybe
this is how you trick him into getting out
of the White House. You just be like,
“I’m sick of you! I resign.” “No, I’m sick of you. I resign. Aah! Damn it. No.
Wait, wait, wait.” (applause and cheering) Also… also, it’s funny
how they’re fighting, but they both say they’re gonna
pray for each other. You know what they remind me of? They remind me
of those old church ladies who act really nice in public, but then,
pray-insult each other. They’ll be like, “Dear Lord,
please give me the strength “not to whack this fool
up side the head. “And if I did, Jesus, please
give this woman some sense before I whip her ass
like the father she never had!” (laughter) Now when the day started,
it seemed like we were gonna spend all our time
talking about the beef between Trump and the Democrats,
but we didn’t have time to talk about the beef, because then news broke
about the Turkey. MAN:
Breaking news in Turkey. The United States says
it has helped to broker a five-day cease-fire involving Turkish forces
in Northern Syria. Vice President Mike Pence
making that announcement today after meeting with Turkish
president Recep Erdogan. MAN 2: Today in Texas, President
Trump called the cease-fire, “an amazing outcome.” The Kurds are very happy,
Turkey is very happy, the United States is very happy. And you know what? Civilization is very happy. It’s a great thing
for civilization. Yes, civilization is very happy. Centuries from now,
historians will look back at the greatest achievements
of all time– the development of democracy,
the invention of electricity and the time Trump negotiated
a really short cease-fire in a war
that he basically started. Ah, yes,
what a great achievement! (applause and cheering) It’s civilization. And you know what?
If we had the time, we would be discussing
how disingenuous it is of Trump to claim
that this is a peace deal when, in fact,
the Kurds just got screwed over, because the deal is
that they have five days to leave the land,
and then Turkey gets the land. That’s the deal. Yeah.
Doesn’t sound like a deal. Sounds like the kind of deal
I had with my high school bully. I would give him my lunch money, and he would give me
a black eye. Win, win. Yeah. But unfortunately, we don’t have
the time to talk about that. Because while Turkey is getting
the Kurds out of Syria, the Democrats are trying to get
Trump out of the White House. And today, the latest witness
in the impeachment inquiry was dropping bombs like
he was invading the Middle East. In the impeachment inquiry,
Gordon Sondland is a key witness. In his opening statement,
he said President Trump told
U.S. officials to talk directly to his personal lawyer
Rudy Giuliani about U.S. policy in Ukraine. And he said
he didn’t know until later that Giuliani’s agenda included pushing Ukraine
to investigate Joe Biden. And he says
that throughout this time, he was working
to-to get Ukraine to advance an investigation
into corruption, into Burisma. He had no idea
that that meant Joe Biden. He had no idea
that that meant Hunter Biden. (laughing):
Oh. Oh, this is slick from Sondland. He’s now saying that he did
put pressure on Ukraine, but he didn’t know it had
anything to do with Joe Biden. You see what he’s doing. He’s trying to distance himself
from what Trump did. Yeah, he’s basically like, “I didn’t know
it was a bank robbery, guys. “I just went in with my friends,
I gave the bank teller a note, and they gave me the money.” It’s like, “Really? You didn’t
know it was a robbery? Then why were you wearing
a mask?” “I just thought
we were all cold! I thought we were all cold!” I honestly wish we had more time to go through Ambassador
Sondland’s full testimony, because he had a lot to say. But Mick Mulvaney,
Trump’s chief of staff, and Excel spreadsheet
came to life– he came out, and he held
a surprise press conference, and shocked everyone
in the room. We’re following breaking news. A truly stunning admission
from the White House. Acting chief of staff
Mick Mulvaney directly contradicting
President Trump on a quid pro quo with Ukraine, saying hundreds of millions
of dollars in U.S. military aid was tied to an investigation of Democrats
in the 2016 election. MAN: So the demand for an
investigation into the Democrats -was part of the reason that
he ordered… -It was on the… …to withhold funding
to Ukraine? The-the look back
to what happened in 2016 certainly was-was part
of the thing that he was worried about
in corruption with that nation. -And that is absolutely
appropriate. -Withholding the… MAN: What you just described
is a quid pro quo. We do that all the time
with foreign policy. And I have news for everybody.
Get over it. There’s going to be political
influence in foreign policy. Okay, hold up. Hold up. Trump has said
on multiple occasions, “No quid pro quo of any kind.” Now, middle-aged Harry Potter
is coming out saying that there was a certain type
of quid pro quo, but everyone must get over it? That’s it? Just get over it?
Everybody does it? So this is, what–
locker room corruption? Is that what this is? And I’m not gonna lie. This is
a twist I didn’t see coming. Yeah. It’s like the murder
suspect in a Law & Order episode confessing
in the middle of the… just, like,
in the middle of the scene. Just being like, “Yeah,
I committed the double homicide, “but the real question here is, “are you gonna be a little bitch
about it? Huh? “The person is dead.
Ain’t nothing gonna change. Now we gonna eat them or not?
What are we doing?” (applause) So in 24 hours, in 24 hours, we had Trump hosting the G-7
at his golf club, Turkey getting the greatest deal
of all time, no quid pro quo,
but also quid pro quo, a showdown in the White House, and we but didn’t even have time
to tell you that Rick Perry, who is tied
to the whole Ukraine scandal, abruptly resigned today.
And you know what? This might be the true genius
of Donald Trump. ‘Cause you realize
with one scandal, you get kicked out of office. But with seven in one day… ain’t nobody got time for that.

100 thoughts on “So Much News, So Little Time: Trump Scandal Lightning Round | The Daily Show

  1. Trump did not start the war between Turkey and The Kurds. That was a cheap joke and biased false propaganda. The Kurds have been engaging in terrorist acts against Turkey, from whom they desire independence whilst Turkey hates to lose more territory. !00s of years old deadly squabble.

  2. You guys in the US take way too much from these guys, here in Chile we had enough and the system is falling under the chaos. We have began to EAT THE RICH, are you going to join us?

  3. I'll tell you what the thing that gives me comfort at night is knowing that most of the people that supported that orange piece of garbage are too illiterate and uneducated to be much of a threat if shit goes down

  4. i really don`t like the guy and i don`t know if he made the right the decision about the kurds but i don`t understand you people.
    you people don`t want any war and from other hand want some war?

  5. Im waiting for him/Trump to hang himself or someone in that chopper thats always sitting on the tarmack to get the balls to just run him down now that be a great news brief!..chop chop whoooosh hahahaha take that you dicktatorhead😤

  6. When Trevor mentioned two church ladies, this video of Key and Peele was the first thing that popped into my head. I highly recommend anyone who hasn't seen it before, watch it; because it is really funny! (with my prayers)

  7. Hitler used the same tactics on every single level. Not a funny situation anymore. Never was. Ever wonder how the Germans “got fooled” by Hitler? Now you know.

  8. If this was a war – the military would be saying 'We have the grenades, the rockets, the artillery and the target in sight but where is the call to action? There are multiple grounds for Trump's impeachment so why hasn't it gone down already? Are the Dems waiting for the Senate to capitulate?

  9. Almost everyone in the comments: Our country needs serious help…

    Me: 1:40 basura means trash in Filipino…

    Btw, good luck to whoever lives in America

  10. So Trump is literally destroying America before our eyes and all those White people in power seem to be okay with that. Got it. Nice knowing you America.

  11. Hello there, if you could spare a moment to check out my short film on my channel, I would be so grateful. Wishing you all a million and one blessings.

  12. Trump and cabinet members are so engulfed in their bubble of corruption that they lost sense of their constitutional duties as public servants. The White House is now Arkham asylum.

  13. Turkey is by far the worst story. First, the USA and specifically Trump was really were really terrible. But by now this is a week old and I'm really angry that the EU nations do nothing. WTF? Erdogan threatens: "Yeah, I send refugees your way and then the Nazis in your land will get really angry again and will claim, that everything is bad and you are bad politicians. They might even kill some of the refugees and then you will feel bad." … And then we just let him do this? This deserves not just sanctions but a full-fledged immediate embargo. He threatens us to let him have his genocite? Close his borders, recall all foreign citizens (businessmen, diplomats, whatever), let nobody else through and shoot at every Turkish military person or vehicles trying to cross.

  14. Tried to warn people of this horrible con man in 2016….
    No one could look back and see how crooked it had been all these years

  15. Trevor you're a Hypocrate and really no longer funny! Such a disappointment! As a South African whom scraped and saved to view your shows when you were a South African and at the time actually funny – so sad to see you've been bought by the liberal left to promote their false narrative and to promote fake news. F.U.

  16. This guy is not funny at all I saw him live it was not good not one laugh he trys but does not have enough intelligence very sad

  17. Trump operates on the Bed of Nails theory of politics. If you step on a nail it goes through your foot but you can walk across a bed of nails. He does something that would end a normal politician. Then he follows it up with something even worse and on and on. Eventually, you have so many crazy things that you forget about the previous 100 stupid things. Grabbing pussies, firing James Comey, making a "deal" with Kim-Jong Un, bringing Russians into the Oval Office and blocking the press from coming in, making money off the American taxpayers… the list goes on and on. After a while you get numb. We cannot get numb. He HAS TO GO before the US is no longer relevant.

  18. The Daily Gobshyte Show served up by a cheeky quick mouthed kaffir with his mouth in gear spewin shit like a goose with the runs. Fuck you candy ass pussy traitors.

  19. "Civilization is very happy" – uhm, did you bother to ask a single Syrian about this? Ukraine? Venezuelan? some vet dying of opioids and PTS in South Carolina? Why even ask this question, he's out of his mind. That is the absolutely the stupidest and most non-presidential quote of any any modern president, probably any president, maybe person as well, I've ever heard. Read a book Don, anything by now: Chronicles Of Narnia, Carl Sagan's Cosmos, Man's Search For Meaning, hell, a history text book from 1997. Just learn the english language and leave. You bring me nostalgia for Bill and George Jr, two of my least favorite presidents of my time.

  20. We all know that if obama was the one in this scandal…..well you know the whole color thing makes white people get away with everything.

  21. I taught we the mexicans were the criminals, thats why he won because of all the closet racist in america, everybody knows a handfull of these ppl at work, school, church…etc

  22. Trump represents a good portion of this country, perfectly. THAT is the problem ! THAT is what scares the hell out of me. We can all point the finger at the unhinged monster at the helm,.. ,.. but the reality is,.. the ignorance is all around us,.. and it's growing by the day.

  23. In a multiplayer like CS:GO, Insurgency, Day of Infamy, Red Orchestra 2, Overwatch… Trump would call everybody a cheater while it would be him using wall-, aim-, location- and speedhacks.

  24. funny to read all those trumpsterposts here. not a single one with a real part of critizism. all repeat the same stupid mantra.

  25. This is the longest comedy show ever. I can't believe he was voted into office. Was a joke before and still a joke. Shame on the Americans who voted this sicko into office.

  26. "If you are keeping up with the news…" I immediately burst out laughing hysterically. 45 is probably responsible for a considerable amount of lost productivity in the USA. Hell our company is now blocking news sites and has banned people from having their cell phones on.

  27. Good or bad Tramp is our president. I voted for him not because I admire him so much but because the alternative was even worse. And it is still worse.

  28. Bill Clinton visited Putin at Putin's summer home and got a half million dollar bribe. Then his crazy wife says Trump is a Russian LOL!

  29. Civilization: I hate to say it — I hope I don't sound ridiculous — I don't know who this man is. I mean, he could be walking down the street, I wouldn't…I wouldn't know a thing."

  30. heard the the American troops that was pulled form the fight between kurds and turkey are now bravely "securing" the the oil fields in syria from ISIS LOL you can't teach an old dog a new trick

  31. If this continues we will be a third world country by the end of this year. Thank you Trump supporters, your legacy is the catalyst to the enslavement of freedom and the freedom of dictatorship in America.

  32. Trevor Noah mom a slum Lord in South Africa with properties from LA to South Africa using church to profit Patricia Noah's properties

    The Star has done deed searches to reveal all the properties in Patricia Noah’s name.

    She owns many more properties that are held in various company names.

    Sunnyridge: 6 units out of 63

    Sedgefield: 25 units in the name Patricia Noah and 3 units in her company name, Isacchar

    Properties cc, out of 77 units in the building.

    Los Angeles: 3 units out of 49

    Cornice: 4 units out of 6

    Hermanna Court: 5 units out of 50

    The units in her name were bought for various prices ranging from six units, which were bought for R100 each to one bought for R150 000. Noah also owns 13 properties in Highlands North.

    According to company searches, she is a director of the following companies: Dempa Investments cc, Isacchar Properties cc, PN Noah Estates cc, BC Non- Payment Solutions cc, Bodmin Investments cc and Faith and Power Church NPC.
    A two-month investigation by The Star has revealed that Noah, an estate agent, owns numerous flats and is the administrator of several buildings in Hillbrow and the Joburg CBD.

    Residents have accused her of allowing them to run into a state of disrepair, not paying the city the electricity they have paid for, and getting court orders to execute the properties, often buying them herself when they go on auction.

    The residents have opened police cases, gone to court and complained to the city.

    The City of Joburg’s Virgil James confirmed that complaints had been received about Noah.

  33. I do like you Trevor but once u become over on Trump; I need to tell you this "be real even if you'er pressured and lost your job and sincerity" (⌐■_■)

  34. You guys need to check the continuity of your graphics. In Trumps tweet @ 2:43 shown by the Today Show the time is listed as 5:00 pm on the 16th but then a few seconds later @ 2:49 your proprietary graphic shows the time of the tweet being 8:00 pm. On twitter the tweet is timestamped @ 5:00 pm ( making your graphic wrong. This might be a small detail but if your going to throw stones then make sure they're real. I am not making a point about anything more than withstanding journalistic integrity. Trump sucks many bags of dicks yet his presence in government is great because he is inadvertently exposing how horrible our leaders really are. He needs to go but I'm glad he was here to toss a few wrenches in the machine.

  35. Look is the Clown of the Democrats .. Trevo Noah Lol .. The demon rat Corruption is coming to daylight that the demon rats Democrats are so affraid they have to blame trump for their treason against the American people & this country ..

  36. TRUMP should respond to all critics with this: "Yo momma, yo daddy, yo greasy granny got holes in her panties, gotta a big behind like Frankenstein, go beep beep beep down Sesame Street." LOL

  37. It's time for a march on Washington demanding 45's impeachment and removal from our Whitehouse. Who's in? Bring your pitch forks and torches. If you know what I mean….

  38. Like WELCOME TO BED BUG HOTEL!! Proof of lawsuit is available on request!!! And this russian asset ignorant idiot oh the Kurds are happy Syria is happy Turkey is happy and Putin loves me again for giving him land that wasnt his to begin with. And American soldiers guarding the oil in Syria for WHO???

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *