Jon Batiste Teaches You How To Vote

Jon Batiste Teaches You How To Vote



GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND
STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY. JON, ARE YOU PLANNING TO VOTE? >> Jon: YES, INDEED, YOU KNOW
I AM. >> Stephen: IT'S ONLY SIX DAYS
AWAY. A THE LOT OF PEOPLE HAVEN'T
VOTED YET AND I THINK ONE OF THE REASONS IS THEY THINK IT'S
COMPLICATED, LIKE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT. >> Jon: OH, YEAH, YEAH. NO, BUT I MADE AN EASY VIDEO FOR
EVERYBODY TO FOLLOW AND JUST FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO IT
THEMSELVES S. >> Stephen: WAIT. YOU MADE A VIDEO? >> Jon: YEAH IS THERE IN SIX
EASY STEPS? >> Jon: SIX EASY STEPS. >> Stephen: WELL, I'D LOVE TO
SEE IT, JON. >> Jon: WELL, WE'VE GOT IT
RIGHT HERE, JIM. HELLO, PROUD AMERICANS. I'M JON BATISTE, AND THIS IS
"PIANO I-0-FUN. HOW TO VOTE." VOTING ISN'T JUST A WAY TO MEET
OLD PEOPLE IN YOUR COMMUNITY. IT'S ALSO YOUR CIVIC
RESPONSIBILITY. TAKING PART IN DEMOCRACY IS WHAT
MAKES US AMERICAN. THAT, AND THE STARS AND STRIPES
BIRTH MARK EVERY CITIZEN IS BORN WITH. ( LAUGHTER )
LESSON ONE: REGISTRATION. REGISTERING TO VOTE IS EASY. JUST FOLLOW THREE SIMPLE STEPS. ONE, FILL OUT THE NECESSARY
PAPERWORK. TWO, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE VALID
IDENTIFICATION. AND, THREE, PURCHASE THE "LATE
SHOW" EP," FEE FEATURING JON BAT AND STAY HUMAN. YOU'LL NEED SOMETHING TO LISTEN
TO WHILE YOU VOTE. LESSON TWO, HEAD TO THE POLLS. POLLING PLACES VARY DEPENDING ON
WHERE YOU LIVE BUT THEY'RE USUALLY IN A SCHOOL GYMNASIUM
AIR, CHURCH BASEMENT, OR ANY OTHER PLACE THAT SMELLS KINDS OF
WEIRD. AND IF YOU CAN'T FIND THE VOTING
BOOTH, YOU CAN ALWAYS USE THE NEAREST GAP CHANGING ROOM. ( LAUGHTER )
BEYONCE! LESSON THREE: BALLOT ETIQUETTE. WHEN YOU GET INTO THAT VOTING
BOOTH, MAKE SURE YOU DO THINGS RIGHT. BEGIN BY PLACING THE NAPKIN ON
YOUR LAP. VOTE BY USING THE FORK FURTHEST
FROM THE BALLOT. AND IF YOU RECEIVE GOOD SERVICE,
MAKE SURE TO LEAVE A 15% TIP FOR YOUR POLL WORKER. BON APPETITE. LESSON FOUR: SNACK BREAK! >> HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JON "N"
LESSON FIVE: CHOOSING YOUR CANDIDATE. >> BEFORE YOU VOTE, MAKE SURE
YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE VOTING FOR. YOU CAN MAKE YOUR DECISION BY
CHECKING OUT CANDIDATES' WEB SITES, ATTENDING EVENTS, OR
VISITING THE INNER MOST REACHES OF THE MIND. ( LAUGHTER )
UNIVERSE. WHO SHOULD I VOTE FOR? ( LAUGHTER )
DISTRICT ASSEMBLY MAN DEAN MURRAY. LESSON SIX: STICKERS! I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH. IF YOU VOTE, THEY GIVE YOU ONE
OF THESE BAD BOYS. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT YOU CAN GET AS MANY AS YOU WANT IF YOU JUST WAIT FOR THE
STICKER LADY TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. OOOH! HA-HA! NOW, GET OUT THERE AND DO YOUR
DUTY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WILL THANK YOU, JON.

31 thoughts on “Jon Batiste Teaches You How To Vote

  1. On the ballot in the video LOL
    PARTISAN OFFICES:
    1. Mitt Romney
    2. Adval(?) Stevenson
    3. Ralph Nader
    4. Dr. Jill Stein
    No preference

    US SENATE
    1. Wilma Firefighter
    2. Amos President
    3. Charles Policehorse
    4. Julius Caesar

    GOVENOR
    1. White Baldman
    2. Bald Whiteman

    LEIUTENANT GOVENOR
    1. Jessica L.
    2. Jessica D.
    3. Ariel Dumas
    4. Jessica R.

    ATTORNEY GENERAL
    1. Sam Dubbin
    2. "Lawful" and Yankovich

    COMMISSIONER OF LABOR
    1. Big Ted Butterpants
    2. Debbie Wasserman Shultz

    SUPERINTENDENT OF PUBLIC INSTRUCTION
    1. Riff the Talking Rat
    2. Bucket of Nickels

    TREASURER
    1. Angela Merkel
    2. Shinzo Abe

    HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES DISTRICT
    1. Lauren's Dad
    2. Carly Fiorina

    END OF BALLOT
    (LOL)

  2. Oh my god shut up. I know following John Paul Schaffer is hard, but god damnit you guys suck. Baptiste in particular. Colbert, you need to learn that show business is a BUSINESS. You will sink your ship this way.

  3. Jon, casually, said: ' But you can get as many as you want If you just wait for the sticker lady to go to the bathroom. Oooooh! Now, go out there and do your duty.'

    ….so many puns in there..so awesome

  4. I always leave 30%… Maybe 20 if I'm strapped for cash or if the place sucked. But 15? Don't be a cheap ass lol… I know this is a joke but in a real restaurant… Leave 20% at least folks. Waiters got it hard.

  5. I don't have to register. We are all registered automatically.
    I don't need ID. The people know me.
    I need to swing my ass 500 meters to my old elementary school, make a cross on a piece of paper and enjoy the rest of my Sunday.
    Gotta love Germany.

  6. If they keep the mic away from him during the show and stop him from doing unnecessary jingles after each decent joke then he's great. these video's are awesome

  7. I was expecting
    1: register
    2: go to poll location
    3: wait in line
    4: wait in line some more
    5: wait in line a while longer
    6: vote

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